This is a poem I wrote as a young teenager while going through a trying time. Not only did I believe that I was I being ripped apart by some silly teenage relationship, but I was also on a foundational soul-search. In retrospect, I believe I was looking for someone closer than a brother, my best friend.

I grow to know him better and better each day now. Some call him Jesus Christ, some call him Yeshua, Emanuel, etc. I choose to call him simply my best friend. As my relationship with him has grown over the years I have overcome the emotions I express in this poem. And although I don’t miss that time, I do believe I am stronger today having gone through it…

Loneliness
-by Larry Cole

Loneliness,
The Quiet Pain,
being alone during a dreary rain,
a hunger for another,
the need to share,
not just one, but a pair,

A dark room,
an empty jar,
a huge parking lot with only one car,
That emptiness which needs to be filled,
The Quiet Pain,

Can it be killed?

Since I have started posting for VAF in March I have attempted to maintain some personal distance from what I write. After all, I am not writing for myself; this is not my personal blog. Maybe today I should introduce myself—a little.

Two years ago I traveled to Colorado to meet up with 10 other people that I didn’t know in order to talk about beauty. I was nervous. I hadn’t thought about beauty much.

My mother had been sick for a long time and little progress was being made in her recovery. I was depressed on my own accord—maybe the result of taking on too much all at once. I had long since dropped out of any church that I might attend—a big deal since I was raised in churches—but I had not dropped my faith. I just didn’t feel like I fit in anymore. I was on my way to talk about beauty and I didn’t want to talk about pretty.

Maybe I was reacting against a larger stream of thought in American culture: Perfection is Good; Imperfection is Bad. Cosmetically, the opposite of perfection is a blemish; if blemishes were considered to be good then few would sell make-up. Morally, the opposite of perfection is sin. Academically, the opposite of perfection is failure. Much of life is judged through the lens of Morality, Academics or Cosmetics.

Additionally, the business world seeks to measure success by its productivity and fiscal responsibility. These business goals are not left at work; they seem to sneak into our own personal lives and govern our private attempts to manage the way in which we spend our time. Are we being productive? Are we being successful? Are we making the most of what we have? Is our day going according to plan?

I live at odds with perfection. I live at odds with pretty. Maybe that is because real life never seems to measure up. Maybe it is because I don’t like to be told what to do and perfection and pretty are always flapping their jaws somewhere in the back of my conscience. I am starting to wonder if perfection is not just some sort of mythic utopia that is constantly being redefined to suit our changing desires. (See a history of perfection here.)

One thing I found out two years ago was that those ten people could see beauty in the struggles of my life—in the imperfections. Ever since then I have quested to see the world differently. Though I live in a society obsessed with perfection, and though I will likely always feel a compulsion to measure myself accordingly, I have found a renewed energy to explore the ways in which imperfection holds its own beauty.

First off I want to say thank you to everyone who has been obedient to God and following his will to put ViaAffirmativa together. I do not think that thank you is sufficient. This is a work of God and it is undeniable!

I would like to share Shannon and my story and recent happenings as a testimony of Gods goodness and faithfulness. I tend to be long winded, but I will try and minimize this if at all possible. OOPS.

Shannon and I (and many others) have felt called by God like Abraham and Sarai (Sarah) — to go forth into what God called us to. We did not know what this would be. After almost a year we found out it was to do something in the arts. We did not know what, when or how. We were very excited about this possibility as we have been artists in training and action since we were kids. So we decided we needed to wait on God for further because we did not have a clear vision. I received an email from my good friend in the spring of 2006, Mike Jordahl who said he thought we might like to know about an event hapening in Glen Eyrie in the summer that had something or other to do with art. Within a week or two I received another email from our good friends Philip and Anh Sawyer saying that they were very excited about a conference coming up that had to do with Truth and Beauty and the Arts that was happening in Colorado Springs, CO. We found out it was the same event! We did not want to assume that this was God and we prayed about coming. I am of the opinion that conferences in general are an extremely boring, laborious event. I was not in the least bit excited to come to this conference….except for one thing. It was in Colorado. I love to fish and hunt and the thought of a vacation with trout fishing would be a nice change of pace. Shannon is of the opinion that trout taste good, but they should be bought at the store, so that you cannot waste your time fishing for them. Ok, that is off the subject. We also spoke with Gary Bradley futher about what would be involved and his enthusiasm is very catching. Anyway, we both feel like we are supposed to attend the conference and as most artists procrastinated till we almost missed out. We came, we felt kinship with what was being spoken of, and it resonated with our hearts. I did sneak away and trout fish one especially beautiful afternoon and caught and released over 35 brook and cutthroat trout!

After this amazing time we came back to Lawrence, KS with a joyful heart. We knew how we could effect others with the giftings and calling he had given us. What we found when we returned was a trip back to the desert. The place where God places you so that he can remove those things deep inside of you that you do not really want him to bring up. For the next half a year we have been absolutely miserable. We had no peace to move forward with what he called us to. We had made some amazing connections, and direction, but it was like everything was stuck in the tube.

In the middle of January 2007 God said move forward. Our hearts melded and we started to move forward with this calling. We had our first get together for artists on Feburary 3rd. It was a gathering of some likeminded friends and many artists who are “unconvinced” as Kyle described those not knowing God. We had an amazing time at this Creative Dinner Party http://balmorg.wordpress.com/2007/01/24/creative-dinner-party. Many people made connections with other artists, we had a large variety of artists including, painters, musicians, architects, designers, graphic artists, videographers, sound technicians, writers, printmakers, gallery managers, sculptors, glass blowers, ceramicists and more. Most people brought some type of their creative work to share. One of the most exciting things was that people started to build relationships!

For almost a year and almost every day this whole month I have run into creative people to connect to. I received an email from a contact I met this year who owns an art gallery in Oklahoma about a movement that is happening in California. I spoke to a client, custom metalsmith artist and friend in Pennslyvania about what he feels God has called him to, and many others. Others we know are relating to artists and leading a Bible study for people who have no interest in “church”. We went to an art opening last night in a gallery we are showing in and spoke with an old friend about how God is moving in her life. God is moving, and he is really moving in the arts. We believe that this is just the begining, as God will continue to move in the arts. I would encourage and implore you, that if God has gifted you with creative talents, ask him what it is that he might have you do for him in this amazing time! You might find as we have found that we had to lay some things down before you can pick this up, but if God says this is what he wants do not hesitate.

If you would like more information about what we feel God has called us (and even gave us a name for!) BALM (Beauty, Art & Life Movement), or you want to just connect, feel free to contact us at (remove dashes, spelled out for phishing sake) b-a-l-m-.-o-r-g@gmail.com . God is connecting us together to do HIS work for the kingdom of God through the arts. Hebrews 10:24-25
“24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

We look forward to seeing all who can attend this summers conference!

With Love,

Darin and Shannon White